I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
