my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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