Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
