i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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