I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
