just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i will never coherently bang her
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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