I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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