I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
