I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
