Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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