His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize