dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
