She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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