He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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