Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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