The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
