He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
