I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize