Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
