from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
