At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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