Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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