Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
