Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
