zippers are such a cool invention
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize