1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
