how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize