then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
