why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize