Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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