Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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