Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
