is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize