I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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