so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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