I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
