Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
