Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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