you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
