Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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