Tell her she can't have a vagina
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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