Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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