just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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