i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
