Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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