I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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