im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's never too late to be topless.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize