It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
