if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How does it feel to date your dad?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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