I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
