It's Friday. Sex?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
