consequently i now know what mace tastes like
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
