I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Bring me that man meat
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
