don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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