i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
