Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
