I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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