so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
