shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
