i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
