no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize