Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
