They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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