So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the condom got lost in my hair
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize