Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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