I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
