We're facebook friends in real life
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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