he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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