Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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