we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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