You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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