i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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