it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
