just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
