when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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