Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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