i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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