Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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