my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
