i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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