how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
