Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
