i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
