i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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