We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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