she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
