Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
