Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
