She announced her abortion via fbk
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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