We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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