My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
