Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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