I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
