if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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