glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You pole danced in your parka.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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