Soap is not a condiment
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
