Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she pinky promised me she was 18
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
