Someone shit on the floor
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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