I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize