it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
