i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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